(dreaming)...

"Ah Rihanna
Your skin is soft
Baby let's take these knickers off
That's it
Now let's get dirty..."

(alarm sounds)

It's ten thirty!
Arrrr fucking hell....
wake up! Your job interview is at twelve
ain't rose this early in a long time
my beds in the corner where the only way out is the wrong side
It feels like I've got my head in a blender
Wednesday still damaged by the
weekend bender
Ruff like the site of my gaff
Beer cans and drug paraphernalia
the flat of a failure
that's what you get
for living so reckless
no milk so it's dry Weetabix for my breakfast (crunch!)
Walking out the door suited and buited...
like I'm off to my funeral,
I ain't getting recruited
I'm death warmed up and what the hell will I say
ain't prepared nothing
selling my self today's like flogging salads to fat kids
(Neighbour) "you alright there mate"
"You alright mate"
(thinking) I fucking hate that prick!
So negative!
I cracked open a Redbull
in the hope it would make me feel a bit less dreadful...
It didn't
then I jumped on the bus
hand in my pocket for the money as I rusled it up I discovered!?
Inside my jacket a wrap of speed
Shit!
Yeah this is guaranteed
to take the edge off in this interview and perk me up
don't do it! Amphetamines dirty stuff!
Trainspotting..
remember that scene with Spud!
I won't be that bad..?
na don't be silly bruv!
well get ready to be a stuttering mess
oh shall I take it??
course I'm not gonna take it!!



'Meanwhile at the Office reception waiting to be called for the interview.......'


(thinking) "fucking hell.......
I am buzzing my tits off!.....
this is some fucking strong shit!...."
(interviewer) "Mr Gregory"
"yep!"
(interviewer) "if you'd like to step through this way please"
"Certainly Madam!"
(interviewer) "oh you sound very enthusiastic"
"That I Am!"
(interviewer) "OK if you'd like to take a seat...
hello Mr Gregory my name is Amanda
the main Manager here at the Office in Hampshire
so you've applied to be a Marketing Sales Rep
I take it that you know what the position entails yep?
I still need to ask for a reference
If you could provide one after you've answered these questions
First off..
Why do you think you right for this role?
and what your ultimate goal?"

" Yeah!
I - am - a
really hard worker
hit targets and I go much further!
quick learner!
ain't the sort to graft or flip burgers!
here I'm gonna be a big big earner!
trust me mate I will smash it!
your looking at a future asset-
at - this - company!?
sorry love I forgot the name..
I'm reliable
always on time, not had a sick day in my life!
HIGH FIVE!! ....
or not....
I am a lot of money in your pot!
motivated I'm more than able!
skills are coming out my anal!
top player when I'm part of a team!
I'm conscientious!
no what I mean?

(interviewer) "umm...... yeah....
Quite delirious....
very keen.....
so you have sales experience?"

"Yeah wheeler and dealer!
I'm a natural!
I'm eager to please ya!
Telesales
Door to Door
done it all hun I'm a Connoisseur!
someone like me will grow your business!
I am a closer!
so convincing I sold Christmas
decorations to a Jehovas Witness!

(interviewer) "OK David...
sell me this pen...."

".............? this pen........?
See THIS!... Next Peneration!
Latest hi-tec innovation!
... Bic... black Ink...
In the finest plastic
whether you're a Calligrapher or writings like a spastic's...
buy this pen it's fantastic!
.. can I try again?

(Interviewer) "No! That's it, moving on....
Tell us a bit about yourself, your interests, and what you do in your spare

"Well!" (interuptingly)

"Im a lovely guy
cheerful, bubbly, with no ugly side!
must admit I've had a bumpy ride
still I'm smiling bloody wide!!
life and soul of the party!
where I leave early, I hardly drink
Alcohol or self-indulge!
never out of control!
health is whole
ever developing!
Humble and very intelligent!
but wise!.. here's a quote..
'Wisdom is knowing how little you know'
but I still know quite a lot
you know what I mean, not like the mind of God
in the macrocosmic sense
like a dot, brighter than the other dots-hunting jobs.. ??...
I take pleasure
In the great outdoors, a man of great leisure!
Helpful Samaritan!
I love a little game of Badminton!
Quite an accomplished cook
I enjoy that and I love a book..
on politics, or history
and its one big conspiracy!
planned by 33rd degree Masons
to enslave the herd of each nation
look around it's certainly blatant!
don't wake up the Earth'll be.......!
my opinion
I don't think their shape-shifting Reptillians
but without rebellion...
they'll have the globe on lock down, Owellian!
Big Brother centralisation, this information has to come to the surface!
Really important!!.......
like customer sevice
Shining with work-ethic I'm climbing and perfect is my usual timing!
don't you think it's funny how this interview's all rhyming?
Let me tell you a story!
It was me and my workmate Rory!.when
(Interviewer) "Um!"
"Na listen! ."
(Interviewer) Uh, No! Mr Gregory I think that's enough we'll leave there"
"oh is that it?"
(Interviewer) "yeah...
thanks for coming"
"so when do I start??"
(Interviewer) "umm... Are you fucking kidding?
You are absolutely buzzing!"